life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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