So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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