Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
