Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
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