a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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