So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
