Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
