your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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