I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i came on her dog
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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