How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
