Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
