You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
