i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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