You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
