some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
