he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
