I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
