I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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