Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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