i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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