I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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