i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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