I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
