3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
