we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
