I faked an abortion last night.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
