I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
