Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
