I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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