Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
where are my eyebrows?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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