Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
