I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
