i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
