my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Acid is not a monday night drug
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
