I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
