how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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