the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
