The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
