how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Randomize
