but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
