Dual....:-)
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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