Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
