I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
