my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
