Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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