I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
