Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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