the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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