I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
