Got a toothbrush?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize