the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
ugly people sure do ruin things
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
