Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
