i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize