My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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