Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
