She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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