things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Naked Twister starts at high noon
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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