He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
