Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
