Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
