We're like a lot better than the average bears
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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