Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
