Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
