apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
These tits shall not be calmed
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
