I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
worst night to have a conscience
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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