I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
