pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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