Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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