You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
