Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
