I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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