he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
