I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
