I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
