I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
