my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
All the doctor said was why
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
