I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
