i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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