Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
