He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize