Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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