you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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