So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
