Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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