That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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