Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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