I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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