ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
