I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
