I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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