So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
