Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
